Onion II

So this is where things got fun. He called me one Sunday night and let me know that we were going to hang out the following week. He asked what I was doing each night. Hmmm... Okay? Monday - nothing. Tuesday - work. Wednesday - I'm going to a play. You could come with me to that? He replies, "I'd rather die." What? This is a guy who likes to star in theater productions. He'd rather die? Whatever. Thursday - work. Friday - MacCools! Sat... *Interruption* "I'll go with you to that." What? "I'll go with you to MacCools." You will? You weren't really invited... "It's already written down and I'll be there! See you Friday!" How do I get myself into these situations!? MacCools is a St. Patrick's Day tradition with some of my friends each year and I've never taken someone with me nor had I planned on it this year. I hoped if I didn't talk to him all week he'd forget. I wasn't that lucky. He asked me to pick him up on my way that Friday night. I text him as I left my house so he'd be ready. We were meeting at the restaurant at 7:30pm. There were 15 of us meeting there and they don't like to seat you till the whole party is there so it is important to be on time. I arrived at his house at 7:10. Knocked - no answer. Again... louder - nothing. I call, I knock, I call, I knock. Ten minutes pass and now I am furious and I'm going to be late! I leave him a message letting him know that I have come and now left so I won't be late. He is welcome to meet up with us later if he would like. I drive away so frustrated! He wanted this, not me! Where was he? I don't care that he's not with me but I do care that now I'm late. I'm almost to the freeway and my phone rings. "Hey! Are you almost here?" Are you kidding me!? I patiently explain that I was at his house for 10 minutes, I'm now late and he can drive up on his own. "NO! Come back and get me. Come get me Elaine!" Grrrrrr! Fine. I get all the way back to his house and he is not ready. I wait for a few minutes and now my blood is literally boiling! He gets in the car all chipper and happy and this makes me want to slam on my breaks so he'll be ejected through my windshield. I now have 2 minutes to make a 15 minute trip and 13 people are waiting for me. I hate being late and at this point I hate him. I wish I could tell you that the night got better, but we've only just begun... We weren't the last ones there and luckily they seated us without everyone there. The last ones to come were Levi and Jeffrey. The only seats left were right by Onion Boy. Poor guys, they didn't know any better. I'm not sure at what point in the evening Onion clued in that he was sitting next to two gay guys, but I do know the very second I wanted to die. Onion sits up straight and smiles from ear to ear. "Hey! You guys are GAY!?!?" Kill me now. I'm not kidding. Shot gun, poison, knife... I don't care. Just do it fast. "I have gay tenants!" Would it be awkward if I crawled under the table to hide? "They are so clean! I bet you guys are clean too." Levi and Jeffrey look at each other and laugh. No, they admit, they are not clean at all. "Oh. I guess that's one of your positive stereo types." Positive stereo types? Positive stereo types!! Holy crap! A million things run through my mind and none of them are nice. Now I want to kill him, not myself. Onion gets up and goes to the bathroom. I take this precious time to apologize to these poor guys and make sure everyone knows that this is not a date. By the end of the night Onion has insulted four people that I know of. Levi and Jeffrey and Trevor's new coworker and their spouse. I'm not sure exactly what happened there, but I did catch the words, " easy, no education, not a lot of brain power, anyone can do it" while he was referring to these people's jobs. We are the first to leave because I'm afraid if we stay I will have no friends. What's worse than an onion boy announcing that he wakes up hot and sweaty in the middle of the night dreaming of you? An onion boy turning to two of your friends and saying, "Hey! You guys are GAY?" and then everything else that followed.