4.5K (the guy formerly known as 6K)

I received an email with the subject heading "Your dateable" (the quotation is there because these are not my typos). Laughing, because this statement seems obvious to me seeing that he found me on a dating site, I open the email to find a list of reasons he will date me. I over look his strange approach because I think it's funny to be analyzed to this extent when he has never met me. I wrote back that it was such a relief that he could tell that I was datable from my profile alone! He explained that he wasn't usually this forward but he wanted my number because his membership expired in a few days and he really wanted to get to know the 5 dimensional me. I'm not sure I have 5 dimensions... but what the heck, right!? I give him my number with instructions not to call me that following day. I had a full day at work and then had to catch a plane to San Diego. No time for chit chat but anytime after that would be just fine. I'm standing in line for security check in the airport when my phone rings. Apparently he wanted to shoot the breeze then even though I said another time would be better. This is what he told me over the coarse of three phone conversations. He has been divorced 4 years. He has two daughters (16 & 13). He had a son die at 4 months old and he has never come to terms with this. He worked as a Pizza Hut delivery driver for 14 years at $5 an hour + tips. He thought this was a good living. He went back to school at 35 because he was tired of smelling like pizza. He got a degree in Recreational Science (which I think translates loosely to a degree in recess). He's been unemployed for over two years. He has no drive to get a job. He lives with mom and dad. He knows his wife had borderline personality disorder. If this is true he should be getting paid to be a doctor (because that is a tough thing to diagnose) and not be unemployed. Right before his wife left him he was thrown in jail for three days for assault and battery charges against his wife, mother-in-law, and two brother-in-laws. His side of the story didn't really add up, but I guess he was released and it's not on his record. Yeah. When his wife left he grabbed a sleeping bag and headed to Yellowstone for a 70 mile solo experience. At this point he was not an experienced adventurer. Plus he is an insulin dependant diabetic that suffers from sever depression. Not a smart move to do that alone cowboy! He admitted to earning 6 thousand dollars in 2009. This is when I started calling him 6K. That means about $125 a week. He's on food stamps and other government and church assistance. He's hoping he made 9K in 2010. He is so far behind on his child support he may never catch up. He told me that he is not at all motivated by money. Really!? He is the oldest of seven. Someone sold him a car for $1 because they felt so bad for him. His words, not mine. He currently runs a pull rope on a ski hill for another state. The state pays him nothing for this but he gets to keep 100% of the ticket sales for his trouble. It costs $5 for an all day pass to use his tow rope. He made $10 his first weekend. He thinks this is a good job. He was offered a job as a manager at Pizza Hut and turned down the position because he could make more as a driver. So instead of getting a promotion he sits unemployed and uninsured with no benefits. He also told me that he'll need sex on a regular basis. He thinks we are meant to be together. He clarified in a later conversation that he actually didn't make 6K in 2009, he made 4.5K. I know what you're thinking. What am I waiting for, right? I shouldn't let this Muppet looking 40 year old that is unmotivated, unemployed, behind on his child support, adventurer out of my sight! That's why I called my dad and told him that he should plan on me getting married real soon. I, like 4.5K, can hear those wedding bells chime! Wait... or is it domestic abuse sirens I hear? It doesn't matter! This is true love...

Chef III

I'm on my way to meet him at a theater that is equidistant from both our homes. I receive a text that informs me that he has the tickets and is waiting. He is over 30 min early! When asked why he was so early he informs me that he is a little OCD about being on time. Uhh... be on time then, not so early! As I pull into the theater's lot I shoot him a message that says "I don't think I'm going to be able to make it." Admittedly not the greatest joke, but I know he has been sitting there for awhile waiting and this might be a little annoying (you know, like telling someone they got their fingers chopped off. That was annoying.)... I get a response immediately "Ok. Next week? Monday? Wednesday?" Satisfied I continue to the front of the theater. He sees me through the glass and stands up grinning from ear to ear. You know, one of those smiles that comes all the way from the very bottom of your toes and stretches up? The ones that come from the very core of who you are? Maybe even deeper. They're so sincere, they are almost painfully revealing? It was one of those! He was genuinely glad to see me and probably just as glad to not be stuck with an extra ticket and an empty seat. He opened his arms to me and told me to "get over here." I asked him if I got him, even a little? He said yeah :) The details of the movie I am going to keep to myself but I will tell you I was not disappointed. As we left the theater he said that his mom asked him if he was dating me for my jeep. I looked at him in disbelief because this hadn't even crossed my mind. Do you date a person for their car? Really? Because if you do, he'd be out... He smiled and said that he had assured his mom that he definitely wasn't dating me just for my jeep. He again mentioned that we hadn't been to sushi yet and it was high time. He asked how late I'd be up and if he could call or text. This was the last time I have seen him. I'm not sure what to say here. I thought the date was good. I thought I may have really found a friendship that could possibly blossom into something fun. One of my cutest friends, after confiding in him with my confusion about Chef and what could have gone wrong, asked me if I'd heard about the "Rubber Band Theory?" He explained it and although it should have made me feel better I just didn't buy it. "How about Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars?" he offered. No, no I thought. I believe the train of thought "He's just not that into you!" Not to be harsh but doesn't that make more sense? If he was into me, he'd be around! He'd call, he'd text and we would have actually eaten sushi by now (it has been 6 weeks 3 days 4 hours (but who's counting?))! So he must not be that into me... Maybe I'm too nice and that isn't interesting. Maybe he got hit by a car on his way to meet me and is in a wheel chair and thinks I could never love him in his present state. Lame. I had a client one time that swore off boys. They are not worth it she'd say. One day her landlord gave her a book that changed her life titled "Why Men Love Bitches." She used the techniques outlined in the book and married the next guy she dated! That book is my next purchase... Seriously. I don't know if he'll resurface ever or not but I can tell you this, he was a good experience. He made me feel comfortable. I liked being with him. He has given me hope that there are a few good ones left and if I keep looking I may just be lucky enough to snag one! No regrets, just good times... and that smile, the sincere one. I'm keeping that.